The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
