My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
