she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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