i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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