this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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