You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
