I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
