cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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