I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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