i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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