if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
