so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
