saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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