my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it because I queefed?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
