I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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