im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
