Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
