before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
