this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
