Heybabeimwearingurpanties
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
