Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
