im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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