My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
