Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
