Who wears a wallet chain?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
