she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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