I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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