I hate your face
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
