Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
someone owes me an orgasm
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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