I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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