i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
