i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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