I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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