wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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