If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
