My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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