god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
