I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
