Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
