Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
