take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
