I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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