but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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