Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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