Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just found puke in my bra..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i think im in europe. pls send help
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
