we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
