For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
