I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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