I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
