Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
