I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
