You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize