she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
