do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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