You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
