Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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