I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
