I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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