fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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