I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
