I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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