you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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