Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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