i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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